Back To Spouting Nonsense~

Yeap, some nonsense again. Well, it's been a long time since I cried, but I can't believe at this moment, at ties like this, where everything is starting to go smooth for me, I cried. Thanks to my mum. She spouted stuff and hurt me again. Yeah, I'm just a useless piece of junk anyway, for her to just release her anger and temper, to achieve big dream and goals OF HERS even if it means sacrificing my happiness. Now for financial, she spouted it out like I'm part of the mistake why my household is facing financial problems.

I really feel like finding a shoulder to cry on, I thought of one person, only one, but I don't think that will work. I will hate how people will think the other way round if I'm being with that person too much or just speaking my heart out to a person I don't usually hang out with. But just, I feel like crying again, but I can't. My heart is aching, but I don't know. I want to pour out, but I can't. Sometimes I'm so used to keeping things in my heart that I will feel lazy to explain every single detail that I want to~

Good thing is, I quit Wushu!!!! HAHAHAHAHA YESHHH!!!! And I'm taking up swimming, and I'm really happy about it, not much people know about it, which is perfect, because they didn't need to know anyway. They won't be interested anyway. I don't care why anyway.

Kay fine, I'm lazy to pour out my heart's content as I can't organize my sentence in my heart~ So, adios!!

Kaneki Ken (Tokyo Ghoul)~

What To Do.....?

At first, I've decided to pour out my heart's content to him, my desire to quit. Yes. Just quit. I might regret it, but i might not too, haha!! But than every time I saw him, I am unable to open my mouth at all, only to notice myself who kept forcing a smile when he smiled at me. At the end of training that day, I really decided to tell him, but then.... even when I hadn't say anything to him, he poured out something at me, as if he can totally read my heart. He said :" To join in something is easy, but to continue is difficult." All I can do at that moment is to just stare at him, and again, forced out a forceful smile. After he walked away, I just sighed. Should I just continue? Should I just tell him the truth?

I find myself unable to tell him the truth, mainly because he is the only person who have full faith in me, no matter how many times I failed, or how much I failed to reach everyone's expectations, and just ended-up as a no good. He still kept his faith on me after I let go of the opportunity he gave to me, and even until this day, where i decided to quit, he still keep smiling at me without a hint of doubt, and still continue to have faith in me. He wanted me to stay, and I really would like to do so too, if only I am not facing this unsolved situation which typically haunts my 5 years of secondary school life. Not only it's unsolved, but it's getting worse. For this, should I stay? Or should I continue putting up this endurance which I have enough of and is just about ready to give up? To be honest, if I have the power to endure, I wouldn't have thought of quitting. This is just how terribly messed up I'm feeling right now.

Day by day went by. I am still confused. I really did not know what to do. I do not want to betray someone's trust, but..... I also can't take this much longer. It's so lonely I can't bare it. Hah!! Yes, I am that miserable of a person right now. Now, I am desperately waiting for my college's orientation day. Because that is the best way for me to cover up for my reason of quitting? Honestly, I don't even know. I don't even know if everything will be better in college. I felt that my direction in life is scattered  totally shut down. It's hard.... I don't know what to do....

I kept believing in those phrases such as "There will be a rainbow after a storm" or something like that....but? I see nothing good coming up to me. I can only see a chain of curse. Yes, it's exactly like a curse which has no ends. It's been 2 days and now i am in the state where my confidence is totally shattered. Totally, totally shattered. All I want to do now is to push myself. To swim. And play basketball. And go to the gym. And do whatever I can to wear myself out to the max. I feel like doing it everyday, and just tire myself out everyday. Everyday full of sports. I love sports, and maybe it can brighten me up. Maybe that's the reason why I have that urge.

That day is about to arrive again. What will I do? I know.... absolutely nothing. I don't know what to do anymore.

*sigh*

Sad.... ='(

I feel like people are avoiding me. I don't know why, maybe it's my attitude? But I don't know what wrong with it though. I didn't even know what I had said wrongly. Well, it's like this, we haven't meet for years, so I though maybe I can just greet you or something in facebook as I have the urge to keep in touch. Okay everything went well and you also replied as usual. Then suddenly...... poof!! You are avoiding me. @@

I really don't understand, it kinda hurt me a lot. It's like, what did I even do? Or that I just shouldn't talk to you since we haven't meet for four years? Weird right? That's why I'm sad. I don't know. This didn't happen once to me. I happened many times and it made me felt like I screw everything up. But honestly, what did I do other than just confronting them for a good old simple greeting? I even cried for something this stupid haha. Because I don't how or why, but once it happen to me once, it happened twice, then trice.... which seems like a chain or curse has been linked on me.

This happened in wushu too. That's why at this current moment, even it's just you and you alone, I even thought of quitting wushu. Here i just wanted to honestly point out that the reason i wanted to quit wushu was because 1, I realised that I'm not really into wushu, I just enjoyed training and performing together with everyone, but just seriously not really into it. 2, I think I've found something that I would like, but not ure what it is yet and 3, it a secret *shhh*. Well, not really. I have already told you, typically haha, only that you don't know who, and don't ask because I won't tell *depending on who you are of course*~ xD

But don't worry, I don't think I can get myself to quit that easily. The reason is simple. Bond~ @@ It's hard to break a strong bond, if you know what I mean haha!!

By the way, I am still sad. What should I do when I see that person next time? I think there's nt just 1 person though but two, so how should I face them next time?

By the way, a recent drawing I did. It's my first line art, though the lines are messy, but it still almost killed me when I drew it. >< But I'm happy, drawing makes me really happy, and while drawing, I listened to my favourite songs, nothing beats that!! =D

I have a secret idol, haha!!! But WHY!!! WHY ISN'T HE A REAL LIFE PERSON??!!! So sad!!!! T.T *aka anime crush HAHAHAHAHAHA*

Aomine-kun *faints*

Eh? o.O

Geheheh it's been a long time since my last update. It's about time I share something that I have kept in my heart~ =/

First of all, I stopped working at Midvalley (my last day was the end of Febuary, yay). It's really relaxing and finally have so many time to do what I like to do, especially drawing. Yup I drew and drew and drew, so much that I'm actually quite rusty now (believe it or not, it's up to you =]).

Oh!! I started my driving course too~ I forgot since when, but right now I'm waiting for my L license, which will take probably a week to get (I hope so, it's the fastest they can do T.T) and after that I can get to drive!! (yay) I hope the instructor who is going to teach me is good, for I fear I will bring a dead body back to the driving academy after my lesson. HAHAHAHA!!

Beh.... It's been a long time since I have been patient bearing my mum's anger, but no more!!! I don't care anymore what she feels and what ever she want to say to me. I just don't care anymore. Once I go to college, I am not coming back home unless necessary. Hate home. Like damn much. I'm glad my auntie understands me, because she too was aware of how my mum treats me. No one else understands, but her... When I said to my friends if it's okay for me to stay over their place for a few days to escape my mum's horrible temper, most of them will say I'm trying to run away from home (LOL but it's true, but I also understand their refusal, since I'm also not the type to butt in into others family matter), but my auntie told me if I am ever unhappy here, I could just tell her and she arrange her free time for me to spend some days over there (FYI, she stays in Singapore^^) *touched...*


Burhhh......cover.... I think I have cover. Hahahaha!!!! Don't worry it's totally one-sided (so sad). Actually....huh..... I don't know why but it seems that the cover is drifting away from me. I did nothing you know, just an attempting to talk, but....Q.Q erhhh I wonder why. Eh!! But most of all, I know this wouldn't happen either way!! Because that cover is far too superior either way, unlike me..... =(

Story of True Bond~

I have to admit, for so many years, I suffered many emotional distress, so many pains.... and all i ever thought top myself was, when will I be free of these feelings. Not to be kidding, i endured these feelings throughout five years, and five years I'm lost about who I'm. Truth is, till now, I'm not completely able to retrieve myself back, but at least, I gained consciousness. I'm in state of regaining myself, and I'm finally free of what's holding me back all along. All these happened after something happened to me of course, pain in exchange for good. What is it you ask? A broken bond it is~ =]

A story made me cry, not only because it's heart breaking, but because I can totally understand the pain of a bond being broken, and that the bonded will be separated into two different worlds, life and death that is. Haha, don't laugh at me, but it's a story I extracted from Naruto Shippuuden. It's a painful story of friendship between 3 best friends, that is Nagato, Yahiko, and Konan, also a story that touches my heart the most.
Well, if you would like to hear me out.... =]

It started when the three of them became orphans due to war outbreak in their Rain village. Back then, they were only kids who were capable of nothing, until they met their master, Jiraiya sensei. By training with him, the three of them grew up and became stronger with their master noticing that they were capable of defending themselves. Knowing that, the three of them were left alone. Using their newly acquired skills, they not only wished to defend themselves from and war, but to bring peace between nations by negotiating and not violence. And so they started by volunteering to protect their village from invasion. At first, people scolded them for being stupid as such thing as peace doesn't exist, but the longer they performed their duty, the more trust they earned from people. Soon, an amount of people joined the trio in their mission towards peace, and the group was named "Akatsuki"(dawn), with Yahiko as the leader and Nagato and Konan as his right hand man.

From left, Konan, Yahiko and Nagato~

The motive of Akatsuki is widely spread and was well known by many other villages. Many see it as something good, but at the same time many do not believe in their organisation. Among those who didn't believe them was Hanzo from the Leaf village, so he planned to eliminate the leader to weaken the Akatsuki's will. He did so by first send his spies (ANBU black ops) undercover to attack the three of them by luring them out of their hideout. Not being the type to kill as he believed fighting may only cause more casualties, Yahiko demanded negotiation, but was ignored. Out of his consciousness, with a kunai on his hand, an enemy flew directly towards him and he reached his hand forward as a natural defense to protect himself, but that's when he sees his failure as a leader as he ended up killing a person. The attack ended when Nagato went berserk as his friends were being attacked and his power, Rinnegan, was awaken. Due to it's unbelievable power, the enemy retreated.

Nagato always regretted having to bear such power as he was afraid to hurt more people with it, but Yahiko and Konan see it in a different way. Konan believed that they can overcome his power together and use his power for the good of the their mission in retrieving peace, while Yahiko acknowledged it and saw his potential to be a better leader than he was. Yahiko once wanted Nagato to be leader as he was not over his guilt for killing a person, but Nagato felt they were only same as they both carry their own guilt for something. Yahiko also told Nagato that when a person does something for too long, he will end up forget why he starting doing that particular thing. Yahiko even told Konan that he knew Nagato is the one to complete their mission, as he possessed the Rinnegan by saying Nagato is the bridge in completing their mission, and he will become a pillar to support that bridge.

First and foremost Akatsuki member~

One night, while Konan was out on patrol to ensure the safety of the village till the next morning, Yahiko, Nagato and rest of the Akatsuki member was in their hideout, they received a letter from Hanzo stating that they too seek peace and wanted to cooperate with the Akatsuki, and a meeting will be held on the next day. Being overjoyed, Nagato and Yahiko accepted the offer and celebrated with their member the rest of the night. Out of their suspicion, Hanzo has kidnapped Konan to be held hostage during their meeting.

On the next day, while the rest of the member was asleep, Yahiko and Nagato went out without informing any of their member as they thought of no reason to bring an army to meet just a person. While they were out, one of the member woke up and immediately felt danger upon those two who went out, and woke the rest of the members up to give a chase, but on their way, they were blocked by two strong enemies, Zetsu and Tobi and all of them were unfortunately slaughtered by them. When Yahiko and Nagato reached the place were the meeting should take place, they were surprised that Hanzo brought an army and was holding Konan infront of him with a kunai pointed at her neck. Hanzo threw a kunai infront of Nagato and Yahiko with a condition, that is Nagato is to stab Yahiko with that knife, or Konan will die. Konan ordered Nagato not to move and asked them to flee, but then Yahiko thundered and ordered Nagato to just pick up the kunai and kill him. With his eyes bulged and not knowing what to do, Nagato picked up the kunai in true confusion, lifted his head up and looked and Konan, mentioning her name softly between his lips, and then mentioning Yahiko's name while he turned his head to his left to look him, but to Nagato's surprise, and to everyone's surprise, Yahiko dashed forward towards Nagato and stabbed himself with the kunai Nagato was holding. At his dying moments, he told Nagato that he will now be the leader of the organisation and that he and Konan have to be alive no matter what it takes and to be there for each other. This stirred Nagato and he was outraged, causing him to lose control and unleashed his monstrous power, killing almost everyone in order to retrieve Konan and to safe her while keeping Yahiko by his side the whole time, hoping to save him. That was when Hanzo realised that though Yahiko was the true leader of Akatsuki, but Nagato was considered as a leader behind the scenes. As Hanzo's man were all killed, he escaped Nagato's final attack and vanished. Nagato always had a risk when using his power, that is when he over used it, he may die. When he saved Konan, Konan ordered him to stop, but it was the first time Nagato ignored her. After Hanzo vanished, Nagato and Konan went to Yahiko's side to save him, but it was too late. Yahiko died and both of them were left alone.

After a painful broken of bond, Zetsu and Tobi told Nagato of a plan of world's peace in a way that no peace can be achieve without pain, and that pain is created by war, so a war is necessary for peace. As having a vengeful heart, Nagato and Konan promised to join them and slowly becoming evil without them realizing. Just like what Yahiko told Nagato before, when a person does something for too long, he may end up forgetting why he starting doing it. When the four of them joined forces, using one of the power of his Rinnegan, Nagato resurrected Yahiko's corpse by piercing rods containing a power which allows Nagato to control the body while Nagato will be in hideouts controling him. When he summoned Yahiko's body towards him and Konan, he told Yahiko "You will always be the leader".

That's also the reason why the leader of the truly evil Akatsuki with alot of piearcing is named Pain and that no one knows his true name, because this one that appear before all members of the Akatsuki is really Yahiko while the real pain is actually Nagato.

Okay that's it. Maybe this story maybe damn boring since I'm not good at writing, but still it touched my soul because i have experienced something like this, not that terrible though, but it involves death. I just wanted to share this out for nothing haha, but i hope you guys enjoy... =')